After decades of vacillating levels of emotional paralysis, my disorder lurched into the suicidal range in the mid-30s. Aggressive pharmacological treatment after a severe flaring of symptoms just passed 40 kept me from an early curtain call but made it impossible to function. Lifestyle changes — including leaving a high-stress job — brought improvement. As did going off all those pills in a more supportive environment.
Three weeks of synchronized transcranial magnetic stimulation in a clinical medical trial–preceded by another six weeks of likely synchronized transcranial magnetic stimulation (during the double-blind trial phase)–put me in full remission of all my symptoms. I was suddenly on the euphoric cusp of being the person I had always hoped I could be.
After about two months, however, familiar misfirings and glitches started to creep back into my repertoire. A low-dose anti-depressant with a “booster pack” of repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (see sTMS & rTMS page for definitions) failed to bring improvement. (Though dietary changes and a low dose seemed to make inroads, for a time.)
I’ve tried a lot in the past three years to find relief. And I’ve learned a bit along the way, too.
Depression Time is where I logged my thoughts about living with–and recovering from–depression . It’s been about my attempts to subvert seemingly hardwired feelings of hopelessness, pain, and panic with alcohol, work, spirit, exercise, philosophy, meditation, therapy, food, and (briefly) electromagnetism.
For the super-charged, smartly condensed, and easier-to-handle ebook that hits all the highs and lows of these years without leaving you hungry 20 minutes later, check out my book ‘After Depression.’