Depression Time

After decades of vacillating levels of emotional paralysis, my disorder lurched into the suicidal range in the mid-30s. Aggressive pharmacological treatment after a severe flaring of symptoms just passed 40 kept me from an early curtain call but made it impossible to function. Lifestyle changes — including leaving a high-stress job — brought improvement. As did going off all those pills in a more supportive environment.

Three weeks of synchronized transcranial magnetic stimulation in a clinical medical trial–preceded by another six weeks of likely synchronized transcranial magnetic stimulation (during the double-blind trial phase)–put me in full remission of all my symptoms. I was suddenly on the euphoric cusp of being the person I had always hoped I could be.

After about two months, however, familiar misfirings and glitches started to creep back into my repertoire. A low-dose anti-depressant with a “booster pack” of repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (see sTMS & rTMS page for definitions) failed to bring improvement. (Though dietary changes and a low dose seemed to make inroads, for a time.)

I’ve tried a lot in the past three years to find relief. And I’ve learned a bit along the way, too.

Depression Time is where I logged my thoughts about living with–and recovering from–depression . It’s been about my attempts to subvert seemingly hardwired feelings of hopelessness, pain, and panic with alcohol, work, spirit, exercise, philosophy, meditation, therapy, food, and (briefly) electromagnetism.

For the super-charged, smartly condensed, and easier-to-handle ebook that hits all the highs and lows of these years without leaving you hungry 20 minutes later, check out my book ‘After Depression.’



200 thoughts on “Depression Time

  1. I really appreciate people who are “real.” There is so much we can learn from each other if we just, listen, talk, type, write. Thanks for your blog; There is much to be learned here by me.

  2. Hey there,

    Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to visit my blog, and read my poems. I really appreciate it. I do like your blog also, it’s full of lots of interesting and useful information, a lot of which I can relate x

  3. “…decades of vacillating levels of emotional paralysis” best description I’ve heard. Keep at the reflection–it’ll help, if you call it art–and good luck. Thanks for the like. Might I ask why?


    Look into excito-toxins, and their link to the shrink juice they want you on. Look into how the fluoride coming out of your tap is what they MAKE PROZAC FROM.

    Go to,, Youngevity – a tablespoon of unhydrogenated organic coconut oil will do far more to help than some toxic waste they want to sell you rather than pay to dispose of. Oh yeh – and it won’t KILL YOU EITHER.

    Believing your brain regulates itself meets the current clinical definition of psychosis – doesn’t this simple truth trouble anyone?!

  5. Rose says:

    I wanted to invite you to Blog for Mental Health 2013! Go check out my page for more details…

    And no, this isn’t an award! :)

  6. Hi Greg,
    I found colouring in helpful in my healing from PTSD. I decided to give back to the supportive online community which was also helpful in my healing journey. So I create artwork each day to add to my free online colouring book. Please feel free to print and colour in anytime.

  7. Thank you for sharing your journey. Depression and anxiety are of high interest to me both personally and professionally. I am unfamiliar with TMS and look forward to learning more about it as well as exploring your site.

  8. Nola Susan says:

    Thank you for your blog. You really ‘get it’. Keep on writing. You are a refreshing breath of mint scented air in this stagnant state of ignorance about depression.

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